The question on everybody’s lips…. ‘Is internet addiction real?’

Everybody knows someone who forever has their head in the screen of their mobile phone, laptop, tablet or PC. Ever tried to have a conversation with that person whilst they are engrossed in this behaviour. Have you found that its impossible to get their attention or to get them to focus on what you are saying. Is that person you? Recently Chinese scientists have observed differences in the brains of people who obsessively use the Internet similar to those found in people who have substance addictions.

The Chinese study found for the first time that internet addiction has been linked with changes in the brain similar to those seen in people addicted to cannabis, cocaine and alcohol. The study revealed how researchers used MRI scanners to reveal abnormalities in the brains of adolescents who spent many hours on the internet. This behaviour showed a significant decrease of performance and engagement in their social and personal lives. It is hoped that these findings will highlight the need for treatment for these adolescents in the hope that they can once again learn how to use the internet in a responsible fashion or alternatively have to abstain from the internet altogether for a period of time. It is estimated that 5 to 10 per cent of internet users are thought to be addicted – meaning they are unable to control their use. The majority of those that are addicted are games players who become so absorbed in the activity that they go without food or drink for long periods and their education, work and relationships suffer. It has been reported that some of those suffering found they were even unable to prise themselves away from the screen to go to the toilet and would end up either wetting or soiling themselves and still remain riveted to their screen.  

The Chinese study was published a few days ago in the online journal PLoS ONE and stated

‘Internet addiction disorder (IAD) is currently becoming a serious mental health issue around the globe. Previous studies regarding IAD were mainly focused on associated psychological examinations. However, there are few studies on brain structure and function about IAD. In this study, we used diffusion tensor imaging (DTI) to investigate white matter integrity in adolescents with IAD.’

We are becoming more and more aware that people can suffer profoundly as a result of overusing the internet whether they are gambling, obsessively using social media sites or playing online games. It is also apparent that it is not only the person who is compulsively using the internet that is suffering but also those people who love and care for them are being affected by their behaviour.

If you or someone you know is affected by internet addiction then call Victoria Abadi Therapies for a free telephone consultation or fill in the contact form.

The Rise of Prescription and Over the Counter Painkillers

The centre for disease control and prevention have issued data stating that heroin related deaths have increased in America by 39% over the past year. This number is still increasing due to the cut down on prescription painkillers. Users of prescription opioid painkillers are shifting their use to heroin because of the difficulty they are experiencing getting their prescriptions from GP’s or illicitly buying these prescription drugs on the internet. This crackdown has not reached the United Kingdom yet hence the ever increasing amount of patients presenting at drug services or counselling for treatment for their use of prescription or over the counter painkillers.

There has been a large increase of members attending mutual aid groups such as Narcotics Anonymous reporting that they have been abusing opiated painkillers. The number one offender is codeine closely followed by over the counter drugs such as co-codamol. There is now warnings on these packs sold over the counter stating the danger of forming a dependancy.

I am starting to hear more and more of my clients describing how they had stopped using alcohol, cocaine or heroin only to find that they had started to substitute with prescription or over the counter painkillers. somehow the disease of addiction had used its cunning means to convince them that something prescribed by their doctor or that they could buy at Tescos could not be dangerous for them. They described reaching a place of desperation exactly the same as they had initially felt when reaching the end of their original dependancy. It is important when working with these clients that they are informed of the dangers of going on to use heroin if their supply of prescription or over the counter opiates becomes compromised. This is a real danger as recently reported in The Huffington Post on the 12/1/2015.

It is not only users of other substances that are getting hooked on prescription and/or over the counter opiates. A study is currently being carried out by CRI on the prevalence of codeine use amongst the student population. The internet also provides an easy way of accessing opiated painkillers. It is time that we started talking to the public about this epidemic that is occurring. Education is paramount. Lets let people know that prescription and over the counter drugs can cause as much heartache and damage as heroin and cocaine.

If you know someone or indeed you yourself are struggling with opiate dependancy please feel free to call Victoria Abadi Therapies for a free telephone consultation. Alternatively fill in the contact form.

BEST TO PREVENT RELAPSE

The Stages of Relapse

Relapse is a process, it’s not an event. In order to understand relapse prevention you have to understand the stages of relapse. Relapse starts weeks or even months before the event of physical relapse. Within therapy you can learn how to use specific relapse prevention techniques for each stage of relapse. There are three stages of relapse.

Emotional relapse
Mental relapse
Physical relapse

Within therapy we are able to discuss with you where you feel you may be in regards to relapse. It may be that you have already started drinking/using again and are looking for some support to get clean and sober. It might be that you have not yet picked a substance up yet but feel close to doing so. relapse prevention can help you explore why it is you feel the compulsion to use has returned and explore strategies of preventing this mental relapse turning into a physical relapse.

Many people who become free of substances and embark on a journey of recovery feel very grateful to have stopped using. This is not always the case, for some people that process can be extremely painful as the drugs/alcohol were masking a lot of pain that was already there before and during the course of their addiction. This can mean that when they remove the dependancy they are still left with a lot of emotional pain. if this pain is not dealt with by either attending support groups and/or counselling the pain can leave them at high risk of using substances again.

If you feel at risk of using a drink or drug again or have already picked a substance up maybe its time to consider some extra support.

Contact Victoria Abadi Therapies for a free telephone consultation on 07983726647
or email Victoriaabadi66@gmail.com

Often people ask me if sex addiction is a  real thing? My response is yes watching porn has been shown to activate the same reaction in the brain as cocaine use. I have worked with many clients who have reported taking risks around their sexual behaviours that they would never dream of taking normally. They state that at the time that they are feeling the obsession to ‘act out’ sexually the thought of the possible consequences do not deter them. They talk about loss of marriages, police arrests and loss of jobs being amongst some of those consequences. Even with the threat of loosing all or some of the above ‘ sex addicts’ state that the compulsion to act out sexually is still stronger.

‘Addiction is a condition that consists of a repeated compulsive need for and use of a habit forming substance or behaviour despite the adverse social physical or emotional consequences’

There are other arguments that suggest sex addiction is not real but is in fact a smoke screen for what is really more about who you are as a person. These arguments suggest that for instance watching violent porn is unlikely to make you act out in a sexually violent way unless you already have a predisposition towards being violent and/or aggressive.

Lennard J Davies States that ‘it’s real in the sense that people say they have it. But it is invented in the sense that how much sex you have, how happy you are with that, how guilty you feel about what you do in the dark with whom are all heavily subject to culture and morality. Our culture is, after all, obsessed with sex, and obsessed with controlling sex. Sex addiction is the perfect poster boy to embody that dichotomy.’

My work has lead me to believe that there is a little bit of truth in both arguments. There is likely to be some underlying trauma that has predisposed a person towards acting out sexually but whatever the truth is the fact remains that if it is causing pain to the person or anyone else then change is most likely required. The first step is admitting you have a problem and then asking for help.

Sex addiction therapy works in a very similar way to drug and alcohol dependency therapy. A plan of action needs to be devised which more often than not will include the client figuring out what behaviour is causing them pain and learning ways to then abstain from it. Such behaviour is called a ‘bottom line behaviour’. Therapy helps clients work towards abstaining from unhealthy behaviours that cause them pain and work towards building healthy intimate relationships.

If you are worried about your sexual behaviours and think you might be a sex addict call me Victoria Abadi on 07983726647 for a free 20 minute telephone conversation.

Cited Lennnard J Davies, Pschology Today

Learning to Live With and Survive An Eating Disorder
A true account of one woman’s experience with dealing with her eating disorder!

I was 18 years old when I first started to dislike my body. I had spent the past 6 months living on a kibbutz in Israel. My diet for those 6 months consisted of hard boiled eggs, cucumber, apricots and bread. I had always been a picky eater and a kibbutz canteen is not the place to eat if you are in the least bit squeamish about what you digest! It was hard to tell what most of the dishes were, even distinguishing between animal, mineral or vegetable was tricky! So true to past form I stuck to the foods that were safe in my mind!!

On arriving back in Manchester my father greeted me off the plane with these immortal words ”oh look at you with your little footballers legs” a seemingly innocuous throw away remark which to this day I can still hear reverberating around my conscious mind! That comment was the beginning of years of pain, obsession and a never ending quest for perfection! I was 18, a size 8 and had my whole life ahead of me yet somehow I believed I was not good enough and the only way to be better was to control what I put in my body and be thinner.

Although it was that comment that started my obsession with my weight I recognise now that there were other factors at play way before then that pre-disposed me towards having an eating disorder. I grew up in a middle class family in the leafy suburbs of Hale and Wilmslow. The emphasis was very much on achieving and bettering ones self. Talking about feelings was something that did not happen in my family. There were problems in my family just like there are problems in most peoples families. It was a case of toughen up and get on with it as its a hard world out there and talking about it was just not the done thing. I believe I was always over sensitive and responded in a negative way to any form of criticism. Unfortunately I often heard my parents attempt to push me further academically as a form of criticism rather than encouragement. My self esteem always felt low due to this. It is important to note here that I do not attach blame to my parents but acknowledge that it was a combination of family beliefs and my own struggles dealing with any difficult emotions that I believe lay me open to using food and weight to control my feelings.

I became obsessed with looking at images of models in magazines and began to judge and condemn myself for not being strong willed enough to be as thin as they were. It was at this point that I first started to purge. I was never particularly an over eater but each time I ate anything I felt weak willed and this in turn made me dislike myself further. If I made myself sick then I would feel slightly better about myself as I felt then that at least I had a bit of control over what I was keeping in my body. I have since learnt that bulimia is an addictive illness as there is something about the ritual of eating and purging that fits into the obsessive/compulsive nature of addiction.

‘ Addiction is a primary, chronic, neurobiologic disease, with genetic, psychosocial, and environmental factors. . . . It is characterized by behaviors that include one or more of the following: impaired control over drug use or addictive behaviour such as gambling shopping and eating disorders, compulsive use, continued use despite harm, and craving ‘(Savage et al., 2003).

When I look back I can clearly recognise how I felt I had no choice but to rid myself of the food I had eaten. I was locked into a cycle of obsessive thinking and compulsive behaviour patterns.

This behaviour continued into my early 20’s when I discovered that there were other ways of controlling my weight which did not include purging. The next few years of my life were characterised by drug use which I can now clearly see, through counselling, that I was using in order to control my weight. At the time I was only vaguely aware that the drugs I used kept my weight down, I was more inclined to think I was just doing the same as a lot of my friends, the only difference being I did not seem to have a ‘stop’ button. In the same way I had been locked into a cycle of binging and purging I was then caught up in the same obsessive compulsive pattern of behaviour with my drug use.

By the time I was 23 it was very clear to see that I was very poorly. My weight had plummeted to 6 and a half stone and my behaviours were erratic. It was at this point that I had my first psychological intervention. I saw a psychiatrist who recommended I enter into a detox facility to address my drug use. At this point I did not disclose that I had an eating disorder although my parents were aware that I would make myself sick every time I ate. The drug addiction seemed to be so much more the problem than the eating disorder that all the psychological help I had focused on that. Maybe if I had been more honest back then about my low self worth and insecurities I might have saved myself and others a lot of pain. As it was I continued to act out on my eating even though I was remaining abstinent from all mood altering chemicals. I had not addressed why I felt so much less than most other people.

This behaviour continued for another couple of years until I became pregnant with my first child. For the first time ever I knew I had to get honest with someone as I was afraid my purging was going to effect my unborn baby. I spoke to my obstetrician who suggested I speak to a counsellor about my relationship with food.

I entered into counselling and began to admit how much of my life had been consumed with my weight, my body image, thoughts of eating or not eating and how desperately I craved freedom from this obsessive way of thinking and behaving. The more I began to understand how much I disliked myself and how using food gave me some control in my life the more I became aware of what changes I needed to make. The first thing I needed to do was to start to like myself. To do this first of all I needed to forgive myself for my negative ways of behaving and to start practicing new behaviours that made me feel better about myself.

Through the help of counselling I learnt that I needed to take small steps towards improving my self worth. The first thing was to start talking honestly and openly about how I felt with people I trusted. It was suggested that I start attending groups where I could get identification with other people who had used food in the same way I had. This enabled me to feel less isolated with my problem and also to believe that I wasn’t a bad person but that in fact I was a sick person trying to get well. It was also suggested that I start exercising in a healthy moderate way. Yoga was very strongly advised due to the calming, meditative values it combines with keeping fit. Yoga became very dear to me and has continued to be an important part of my life even now 20 years later. I then had to learn how to eat foods that were healthy to my body. The more I practiced this the less desire I had to purge. After about a year of therapy and practicing healthy living combined with attending mutual aid groups I stopped purging.

I have continued to be free from purging for the past 20 years. That is not to say that I feel I am cured from my eating disorder. I believe I am in a recovery process that means I have to continue to take care of my physical, emotional and spiritual being at all times. There are times when this is easier than at others. I have suffered periods of relapse where my thinking pattern has again become obsessive around the food I put in my body and my body image. This is usually at times of high stress and invariably is when I am not talking to other people about how I feel. Counselling was always and continues to be a safe place for me to talk about my emotional difficulties without worrying those that are closest to me. Unfortunately those closest to me can be afraid that if I talk about my struggles too openly with them then I might be on a downward spiral. Therapy allows me to be really open and honest about my demons. It is my belief that you are never cured of an eating disorder but that you can learn to live a happy and fulfilled life without being obsessed with food and weight and also to loose the desire to act out on it in a compulsive and destructive way. It is all about discovering who you really are, accepting yourself and having the courage to take that journey that helps you learn to love yourself.

Are you struggling with an eating disorder, or are worried about somebody elses eating disorder? If you are and wish to speak to someone about entering into counselling to get help then you can contact me at victoriaabadi66@gmail.com or call me for a free 20 minute telephone consultation on 07983726647.

Talking Therapies:

Most experts agree that addiction is a disease, but that doesn’t mean you’re a helpless victim. The brain changes associated with addiction can be treated and reversed through therapy, medication, exercise, and other treatments. Talking therapies (for example, counselling) are often used to treat addictions and can help the individual who is addicted to identify the fears and feelings that may cause them to self-medicate with their choice of substance or behaviour.

Family Therapy

As addictions affect not only the individual, but also their families, it is often useful to have therapy that involves the family, either together with the addicted family member, or having separate counselling sessions. This helps everyone in the family to understand the disorder properly and support each other.

We at Victoria Abadi Therapies understand that someone using substances can affect the whole family and how people behave and relate to each other. Often the family members suffering goes unnoticed or can be viewed as not as important as the ‘addicted persons’. We recognise that the family as a whole, or individual family members can start to become emotionally unwell due to the stress of caring for their loved one who is using.

It can often be hard to know if what you are doing is really helping and how much you are being affected by someone else’s behaviours.

It is also sometimes difficult to recognise that the family might need professional help as the focus is often on the person using. Some family members may say things like ‘ it’s not me with the problem, it’s his or hers using that is the issue’. It’s hard to accept that their issues impact on everybody around them and consequently family members forget to look after themselves. This can result in stress, anxiety, depression, anger and a sense of hopelessness.

We can offer the following services to people affected by a loved ones use of substances or addictive behaviours such as gambling, sex addiction, eating disorders and internet addiction :-

One to one counselling- where you can talk safely to someone about your situation. This is a confidential space where you can explore how you are affected by your loved ones using and look at ways of moving forwards.

Family sessions- where the family can come together to sit down and look at the problems and possible solutions with everyone involved.

Structured groups- an 8 week structured group to help the family both understand and learn more about addiction and gain support from other families in similar situations. There is great therapeutic benefit in knowing you are not alone with your problems. The group explores ways of staying emotionally well balanced whilst a loved one is using. It aims to teach members about detachment, enabling, codependancy and improve communications within the family. To find out more about the group and how to apply for a place on the next one please contact Victoria by email or telephone from the contact page.

Victoria Abadi has been working in the field of addiction for the past 21 years. For the past 17 years she has been working as a qualified MBACP counsellor. She is very proud to have been part of inspiring change within addicted families for the past 2 decades.

COUPLES COUNSELLING

 

At that point when you find your relationship is struggling to survive, it can be difficult to know what to do. You may have feelings of desperation, panic distress, sadness, fear, or anger. You may feel very alone and isolated. If you have children, you may be very concerned for their emotional well being. You might ask yourself what difference can counselling make?

One of the main aims of couples counselling is to look at how communication takes place between you, it explores how much each of you puts in to the relationship, how much each of you is allowed to put in, and how effectively you hear what the other person is saying. Counselling also explores your expectations of the relationship, what they were when you first got together, what they are now, whether that has changed significantly and whether you individually have very different expectations. We will ask you to consider your history as a couple and, where relevant, as parents, and whether you feel positive about it. We will explore your history as individuals before the relationship, what kind of backgrounds you both come from and how they may have shaped where you are in your relationship now. We also explore, sensitively, how you feel about your intimate physical relationship – whether or not it brings you happiness. Together we work towards achieving agreement on the way forward – not an easy goal because it requires compromise on both parts – and towards building the self-esteem of both partners to move forward together or separately, with a new understanding of what the relationship has been so far.

Couples counselling is different to the counselling which takes place with individuals. It has to be, because the goal of couples coming to counselling may not be clear – the two of you may or may not want the same result. So qualified couples counsellors are specially trained in a different type of therapy. Couples counselling focuses sensitively on how the relationship between the two of you works.

You may want to consider Victoria Abadi Therapies

– if you want to mend your relationship

– if you want to end your relationship with minimum damage

– if you can’t agree on the way forward for your relationship

– if you don’t know whether you want the relationship to continue.

(Edit)

Sexual addiction:

Sexual addiction is best described as an out of control set of sexual behaviours characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Sex addiction can involve sex with a partner, but can also involve activities such as compulsive masturbation, visiting prostitutes or compulsive use of pornography or chat lines.  Their inability to control their sexual behaviour often results in feelings of guilt, shame, and despair. Like all addictions, sexual addiction is progressive, in other words its negative impact increases as the disorder progresses. A negative, out of control pattern of sexual behaviour can lead the sex addict to experience significant legal, professional, emotional, and financial problems, and cause the sex addicted person great distress.

Some signs that you may have a sex addiction:

Have you engaged in unsafe or “risky” sex even though you knew it could cause you or others harm?

Has your sexual behaviour put you at risk for arrest for lewd conduct or public indecency?

Do you feel compelled to seek out more and more thrilling sexual behaviours?

Do you spend considerable time, energy and money engaging in multiple extra-marital affairs or visiting prostitutes?

Have you felt shame or distress over your sexual activities?

Has your need to masturbate become compulsive?

Do you find yourself spending increasing amounts of time in activities relating to sex, such as spending hours online visiting pornographic websites or cruising for partners?

Do you continue to engage in a sexual behaviour despite negative consequences, such as potential health risks or broken relationships?

This is by no means a definitive list, but if you identify yourself as having one or more of these symptoms please do contact me and we can discuss ways in which to help you with your sex addiction.

Love addiction:

Love addicts, on the other hand, become dependent upon their romantic partners. In the same way a drug addict becomes so obsessed by a need for the next fix, a person with Love addiction can become so obsessed by a lover that the relationship becomes their primary focus and only source of happiness.  Love addicts will often allow themselves to be mistreated, or stay in a dysfunctional and unhappy relationship as they are terrified of losing their partner, no matter what the personal cost to themselves. Love addicts often have lack self-identity and have low self-esteem, and their addiction can result in obsessive, controlling behavior in an attempt for their needs to be met, which in turn causes great distress to the love addicted individual.

Some signs that you may have a love addiction:

Do you feel that you NEED a relationship in order to be happy?

Are you terrified of romantic relationships ending?

Have you felt frequent heartbreak?

Do you stay in relationships despite the personal cost to yourself? (Even when you are frequently hurt and mistreated?)

Do you feel that you often give more than you receive in relationships?

Do you often fear abandonment, or feel scared of being alone?

Do you make excuses for the way your partner mistreats and hurts you?

This is by no means a definitive list, but if you identify yourself as having one or more of these symptoms please do contact me and we can discuss ways in which to help you with your love addiction. 

Gambling Addiction

Many people like a flutter now and again, and some can indulge in gambling without consequence.  For others gambling can become a serious problem in a short space of time. Problem gambling can strain relationships, interfere with work, and lead to mental health problems and severe financial worries. Do you think you have a gambling problem? Perhaps you know someone who might be suffering from this debilitating addiction? Compulsive gambling is a problem that can affect anyone, regardless of their income, age, sex, race or social status.You may think you can’t stop but, with the right help, you can overcome a gambling problem or addiction and regain control of your life. The first step is recognizing and acknowledging the problem.

 What is a gambling addiction?

An addiction is characterized by a compulsion or urge to do something, despite being aware of the negative consequences of your actions and wanting to stop.  Gambling can stimulate the brain’s reward system much like drugs such as alcohol can, leading to addiction.  Those who experience gambling addiction still continue to gamble despite negative financial, legal and social consequences. Gambling addiction, also known as compulsive gambling, is a type of impulse-control disorder.  Compulsive gamblers can’t control the impulse to gamble, even when they know their gambling is hurting themselves or their loved ones. Despite a desire to quit gambling, many compulsive gamblers are unable to control their impulsive behaviours without help.

How do I know if I have a gambling addiction?

It is important that people are able to ask for help if they have an addiction, rather than feeling embarrassed or ashamed about it.  If you answer yes to the following questions, it may be possible that you have an addiction to gambling

• Do you feel the need to be secretive about your gambling?
• Do you lie to family and friends about how much you gamble?
• Do you feel guilt or remorse after gambling?
• Do you have trouble controlling your gambling? Once you start gambling, can you walk away? Or are you compelled to gamble until you’ve spent the last of your money in a desperate bid to re-coup your losses?

• Do you prioritise gambling over other activities? Such as spending time with your family and friends?
• Are you spending more time gambling than you used to?
• Have you borrowed money to gamble?
• Are family and friends concerned about your gambling?
• Do you have outstanding debts and continue to gamble? A red flag is when you are getting more and more desperate to win back the money you have lost.  You may gamble until you have spent the last of your money.  You may feel compelled to borrow, sell, or even steal things for gambling money.  It’s a vicious cycle.  Chasing a big win you may feel compelled to gamble money that you don’t have in a desperate attempt to win money back.

When to seek help.

Compulsive gambling is a serious condition that can have profound and long-lasting consequences for your life.  Relationships with family and friends can become unbearably strained. Compulsive gamblers often face severe financial problems as a result of their gambling, including serious debt and bankruptcy. Gambling addicts are also more likely to go to prison as a result of criminal activity. This is almost entirely theft and fraud as a means to fund their gambling addiction.  Rates of depression and attempted suicide among gambling addicts are around double the national average.  There’s also a link between gambling and alcohol abuse. Because denial is almost always a characteristic of compulsive or addictive behavior, it may be difficult for you to recognize that you have a problem.

Gambling is out of control if:

• You have lied to family or friends about your gambling.
• You have felt guilt or remorse after gambling, but been unable to stop.
• It’s affecting your relationships, finances, or work or school life.
• You have resorted to criminal activity (theft or fraud) to fund your gambling
• You prioritize gambling over spending time with family and friends.
• You have missed work in order to gamble.
• You have borrowed money or gone into debt to finance your gambling.

Your gambling addiction doesn’t have to take over your life. Understanding how to overcome your addiction to gambling can lead you down a life free of addiction.  “ABADIS TREATMENT” center offers……………………………………. JJJ